bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
