He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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