Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize