Screwed.edu
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
