If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
