2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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