Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i was born a porn star she said
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
