uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
