Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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