he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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