You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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