I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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