How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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