just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
