I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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