i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
