you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
