Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
