Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
