Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
