dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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