i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
