On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
