Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
