R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
