ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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