I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
