She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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