Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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