i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
