I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
