my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
