You made me cry and you don't even care
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize