Do you still have your period?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
