somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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