Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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