i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
