Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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