omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
