Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am available for nakedness
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
