you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
