Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
