Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize