I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just want to make out with him forever
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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