coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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