stop calling my apartment porn island.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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