My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
