i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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