Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
