i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
