There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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