I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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