Already got asked if we're dating
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
