If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
