i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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