The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
