You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
