he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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