I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
