I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
