On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i believe in u and ur pee
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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