You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
