Yo dont text me then not text me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
