Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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