Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
