In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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