Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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